okay pat passed out under dana's car
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
