All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
