i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
i wish my penis had a tongue
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
My breasts were aching with rage.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
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