A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
