Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Randomize