I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Randomize
