Whod you bang
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Randomize
