Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Randomize
