FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
