It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
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