She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
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