We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
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