He is like the real live version of the state fair..
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
We have so much sex to catch up on
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Randomize