OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Randomize
