Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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