I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
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