I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
