Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
