I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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