if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
