Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize
