I faked an abortion last night.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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