News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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