I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize