I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Randomize
