I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Randomize