dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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