We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
i out mim tonsoeep
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Randomize
