I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Randomize
