Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
