mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
I need a burrito and a hug.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
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