every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
