Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
