im drinking this country out of the recession.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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