And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
So squirting runs in the family.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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