can we get nightvision for the apartment?
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
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