Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
