Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Randomize
