I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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