Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
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