When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
