Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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