Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
