meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
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