My Higher Power is John Stamos
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
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