I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
