Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
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