Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
