I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
