wanna go halves on a baby?
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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