it was like his penis was on wheels.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
