Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
She told me I should be a condom model.
then he tried to convert me to islam
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Randomize
