my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
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