he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
