why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Randomize