I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
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