nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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