I didn't shave. On purpose
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
the liver wants what the liver wants
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Randomize
