I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
