i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Randomize
