apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Randomize
