There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
