You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
Randomize
