Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
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