My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
I showed him my bush... on skype.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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