So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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