I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
