So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Randomize
