Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
