We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
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