I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
