Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize