so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
