It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
I checked into jail on foursquare
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
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