Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Randomize
